dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
