I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
