LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
