i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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