I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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