She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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