why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
