something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
