i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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