I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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