Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
