You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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