He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
