Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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