Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
