Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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