My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i've created a new STD.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
