Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think my fart just growled at me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
