he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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