it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
your like the ambassador to my penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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