I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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