D3 body, D1 cock
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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