While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
