People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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