We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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