ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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