Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
