can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
