Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
