This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
