So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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