Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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