Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
