i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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