No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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