And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
