the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
