I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
