some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
