then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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