i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
