I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
