you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
