youre lurking in front of me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
