Michael Bay diarrhea
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
