hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
