Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
