Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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