I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
