i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
