grandma shit on top of the toilet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
