I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
